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BY KAURRWAKI KOTECHA
I still cry in the shower,
just like I used to
water mixing with my tears
knees to my chest
head in my arms,
that try to hug me,
comforting-
something that you never thought of doing.
I scream,
for me.
voice lost,
throat closing up
I don’t realise when the water has turned cold.
I just sit there, numb.
drained.
waiting for everyone to fall asleep,
before I can fall apart.
And when I walk out,
the steam follows, looking out for me.
stand in front of the mirror
still,
I can’t see me
it’s just a little fog,
something I’m used to seeing all day long.
now, it’s a blank canvas
for me to write my dreams on
and again,
my hand moves to it,
writing your name
over and over,
like a prayer
that is etched on the walls of my heart
it’s a habit I can’t let go of.
and yet again,
I choose you
before I see me.
